How To Influence Anyone and Everyone

Secret number 1 is to build rapport. The dictionary definition of raport may go something like this "A harmonious or sympathetic relation or connection". A more appropriate definition would be. "Your ability to enter into someone's model of the world so that you can give them the feeling of being totally understood".

The key word here is 'understood' because understanding is at the core of relationships, sales, coaching and many other areas where interpersonal skills are used. Rapport, is about effective communication. In this area, Dr. Birtwhistle's 1970s' reasearch is often quoted. He determined that 55% of your meaning is communicated by your physiology, 38% from your tone of voice and a mere 7% from the words you use.

To establish and build rapport, you must speak the other person's language, here is an example:

A music tutor was trying to explain how to play a particularly troublesome piece of music to a student. "Look at the music sheet and get a picture inside your head of where you come in and keep an eye on me"

"It doesn't feel right" said the student.

The tutor continued painting the picture but the student still did not get the point. His pal whispered to him. "You know when you are skateboarding. You turn in mid air and hold out until the very last second. That's the feeling he wants you to get with the music"

The student got it at once. His friend knew the words that connected with the students thinking process. The tutor did not.

Human beings process information by using their five main senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting. These allow the mind to code and understand what is happening. Although everyone has these senses, some will be more developed or favoured than the others and it is these preferred senses that will be used to represent the world.

Once you are aware of this, you can detect the preferred sense of anyone that you are talking to. In the earlier example, the music tutor was clearly a 'visual' person as revealed by him using the words, look, picture and eye in his teaching. the student was a feeling person, in fact he used the word feel to his pal. His pal picking up on this used the same feeling speech pattern and there was immediate understanding.

How To De-Clutter Your Mind

The Interior Clean Up - what do you do when there is a big black cloud hanging around you and your life. I see this as an opportunity to have a good old clear out of the cobwebs and dust in my interior loft. I find some space when no-one is going to interrupt, lie down and close my eyes. It is now time to get out my duster and give my mind a good old spring clean. I search through memories good and bad, sort them out into piles - just like clearing out a cupboard. I then throw out the memories that are painful, old jealousies, bad decisions, any thoughts which hit the pit of my stomach. Next, I put them into black bin bags ready for the skip. I find this leaves room for the good memories, thoughts and decisions to stretch and grow, be at the forefront of my mind, and be easier to access when the going gets tough.

Try it - it works!

Positive People - How to Be One

Have you noticed that most people are afraid of negativity, the catch is that whilst they are afraid they can't fight negative thoughts. Fact is that we all feel down some of the time and when we are down it is easy to imagine that everyone else is having a fantastic time, have fantastic jobs, brilliant relatioships, beautiful houses, fast cars and amazing bodies.

But, how do you know that everyone else has all this positive energy and trappings, well, you don't. It is just your imagination winding you up, because you don't actually know what someone else is feeling or thinking. It is all in your head. In fact, the next person to you probably thinks that you have got it all and they haven't.

So how do we cope with our internal dialogue and train our mind to be more upbeat and positive so that we can get on with life more freely leaving us to deal with challenges more easily.

You have to change your negative thoughts into positive thoughts, and create positive energy from negative energy.

For example a negative thought such as I don't believe in myself becomes I believe in myself,
Instead of thinking I am a Victim, think I am in control, change I am a failure into I am a success, in fact in this way you can easily challenge any negative thought by changing it into a positive one.

Changing your thoughts will change you energy. the more you practice the easier it will be.

So why not start right now? I have.

How To Be A Winner

Winning isn't always about being number one - winning is a state of mind - Zoe Koplowitz



Zoe is a 50 something American woman who is a diabetic and multiple sclerosis sufferer, she completed the 26 mile London Marathon on a pair of crutches - it took her 30 hours to complete, the winner completed the race 28 hours earlier. If you check on her website you will find that she has completed 22 marathons, coming last in each one, in her book "The Winning Spirit" she writes "There are times when last can truly be your first"

Sometimes, we need to look at what others are doing to realise that winning is indeed a state of mind. To be a winner is to recognise your strengths, start by writing them down, even the small ones, everything you are good at or proud of for example, I can make a really good curry!

Once you have listed everything, write them out again on post it notes and put them around your home, car, workspace.

Then start a list of things you would like to achieve, again put them on post it notes but give yourself a date that a) you will start and b) you will complete.

Next compile a list of things from the past you want to forget, then rip it up and throw it away.

From now on you will concentrate on your strengths and new challenges. With each step you take on your journey you will become a winner.