How To Influence Anyone and Everyone

Secret number 1 is to build rapport. The dictionary definition of raport may go something like this "A harmonious or sympathetic relation or connection". A more appropriate definition would be. "Your ability to enter into someone's model of the world so that you can give them the feeling of being totally understood".

The key word here is 'understood' because understanding is at the core of relationships, sales, coaching and many other areas where interpersonal skills are used. Rapport, is about effective communication. In this area, Dr. Birtwhistle's 1970s' reasearch is often quoted. He determined that 55% of your meaning is communicated by your physiology, 38% from your tone of voice and a mere 7% from the words you use.

To establish and build rapport, you must speak the other person's language, here is an example:

A music tutor was trying to explain how to play a particularly troublesome piece of music to a student. "Look at the music sheet and get a picture inside your head of where you come in and keep an eye on me"

"It doesn't feel right" said the student.

The tutor continued painting the picture but the student still did not get the point. His pal whispered to him. "You know when you are skateboarding. You turn in mid air and hold out until the very last second. That's the feeling he wants you to get with the music"

The student got it at once. His friend knew the words that connected with the students thinking process. The tutor did not.

Human beings process information by using their five main senses of seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting. These allow the mind to code and understand what is happening. Although everyone has these senses, some will be more developed or favoured than the others and it is these preferred senses that will be used to represent the world.

Once you are aware of this, you can detect the preferred sense of anyone that you are talking to. In the earlier example, the music tutor was clearly a 'visual' person as revealed by him using the words, look, picture and eye in his teaching. the student was a feeling person, in fact he used the word feel to his pal. His pal picking up on this used the same feeling speech pattern and there was immediate understanding.